Six Reasons Most Black Women Will Never Marry

Why Black Women Wil Never Marry

So many people have opinions on why black women aren’t getting married and usually it focuses on some version of black women need to stop being loud, prudish, god digging bitches who don’t understand what men want and expect their degrees to make them desirable mates.

The reality is the truth is a lot more simple and less “controversial” than most mainstream articles would let you believe. Black women have the power to have the lives and the men they want, it’s just a matter of changing from a victim mentality to a proactive one. We are desirable women, and it’s high time we start acting like it.

1. You’re Waiting for God to Bring You a Man

If I hear one more black woman say, “Oh I’m just waiting on the Lord to bring me a man” I will pimp slap the shit out of her. Did you wait on the Lord to bring you that degree you’re so proud of? No? So why do think it’s the Lord’s job to bring you a man? I know women who are “waiting on the Lord;” to bring them a man, they are also 50-plus, perpetually single and haven’t had sex in over 20 years.

If you’re serious about finding a husband then you have to treat it like you would finding a job. The Lord is not some cosmic UPS man who specializes in husband delivery. Once upon a time in the black community moms, grandmoms, aunties and married cousin would set out to find a suitable spouse for their unmarried relatives. Many cultures still do this, we don’t and because of that it is now up to you to take the bull by the horns and find your husband. Seriously, if all you’re doing is going to work (or school), going home and going to church what makes you think you’re ever going to find a man to date let alone marry?

2. You Think Relationships are Fairytales

Disney is the devil. They watered down the Grimm’s Fairytales and turned into simple, sanitized tales on love, romance and marriage that have been screwing up women for generations. The reality is there is a reason fairytales end at “Happily Ever After.” The reality of marriage isn’t all rainbows, sunshine, and shooting stars and that’s okay. Too many women have these lists of what the perfect man will look like and won’t even think about “settling,” even if it means passing up a perfectly good man.

So in your 20’s you won’t settle, in your 30’s you may decide one kid is okay and in your 40’s you’re just hoping he’s single and has a head full of hair. Instead of finding the right man for you, you spend your time looking for a man that doesn’t even exist and as you age decide to settle for whatever man you can get. So let me go ahead and burst your bubble: Mr. Perfect doesn’t exist, but Mr. Perfect for you just might. However if you’re to stuck on an arbitrary list of “must haves” you just may miss him. As cliche as it has become that 80/20 rule is real. Learn it. Accept it. And find a man who fits it.

3. You’re Too I.N.D.E.P.E.N.D.E.N.T.

Yes I get it. You got your own house. You got your own car. Two jobs, work hard, you a bad broad. Got it. But newsflash: No one cares. A truly independent woman doesn’t go around waving that ish like a flag. A real independent woman knows she doesn’t need a man, but is honest about the fact that she wants one. She understands that she needs or at the very least wants a man to fulfill those soft needs: companionship, love, support. She’s not running around shouting how she doesn’t need no man. She knows only insecure women do that. Unfortunately too many black women have been hollering that they don’t need a man for so long that the men might actually believe you.

4. You’re Desperate

Desperation is not pretty or desirable and men can smell it a mile away. Yes having a marriage and family may be important to you, but it can’t be your sole focus in life. Desperation also leaves you open to making bad man decisions and being taken advantage of. And I don’t care how fine you are there aren’t too many men who are going to want to deal with you if before you even know their last name you’re planning the wedding and deciding on baby names. Relax. If you put in the work and be patient your Mr. Right for You will come along and you really will be able to live happily ever after.

5. You’re Too Busy With Mr. Right Now

Yes I understand Mr. Ten Inch Penis is a professional back breaker, but sexing hm isn’t going to help you find a husband. As a matter of fact sexing him will be a major distraction in your quest to find a husband. Instead of being out on a date your in for the night with Mr. Ten Inch Penis. If you manage to make it out on a date, you’re thinking about how you’re going to call Mr. Ten Inch Penis when you get home. If you meet a nice guy out and about you’re wondering if he’s going to be as great in bed as Mr. Ten Inch Penis. See the problem?

When you’re the market for a husband, your casual sex days should be over. You should save the goodies for the men you are in a committed monogamous relationship with that is leading toward marriage. And yes I recognize some folk can sex Mr. Ten Inch Penis and still manage to find a husband. But just like some folk can study with the tv on and still get an A, it’s the exception not the rule. It’s also not about being prudish, it’s just that good sex is a distraction. Good sex will have you keep a man around well past his expiration date. So instead of dating and vetting the men you meet to see if they are good husband material, you get caught up with Mr. Ten Inch Penis, getting your back broke on a regular basis, only to wake up six months later with a yeast infection and a hurt back looking at him at like “I don’t even like your ass.”

6. You Don’t Know When to Let Go

And this one is the biggie. You have to know when to let a man go, and it’s much easier to do this at the beginning of a relationship then at the end. Too many women are holding on to men who have made it abundantly clear they have no intention of marrying them. Contrary to popular belief wearing a man down is not a marriage strategy. It is a fool’s strategy though. Wasting all of your best years on a man in hopes that he will realize you’re a “down ass bitch” and he should go ahead and put a ring on it? Yeah. I’ll pass.

A secure woman doesn’t need a man to validate her worth. She knows she’s worthy and is deserving of a man who recognizes that as well. She’s not going to waste her time on a man who demonstrates early that his values aren’t aligned with hers. Nor will she spend time with a man who doesn’t even think enough of her to put a title on it, let alone a ring. Keep it moving. At the end of the day it is much easier to find a man who wants to marry you then trying to convince one who doesn’t that he should.

Women Proposing to Men: An Act of Desperation or Empowerment? (Video)

Women Proposing to Men: Yea or Nay?

Is it ever okay for a woman to propose to a man?

I’m generally against women proposing to men. Most of the time when women do the proposing it’s an act of desperation. They’ve been with a man for umpteen-fifty-million years wanting desperately for him to propose and when he doesn’t and she realizes she’s getting older and her eggs are drying up she decides to propose under the guise of “getting what she wants.”

If a woman who proposes to a man was really trying to get what she wants, she would have proposed after a year or two of being in strong, stable, successful relationship where marriage has been discussed and is expected. That’s proposing from a position of power.

I still don’t think it’s something I’d recommend or would do myself, I am a little old school in some of my beliefs. But under those circumstances, a woman is well within her right to go after what she wants. If he says no, well that’s life, but you don’t look like a fool because of it and he very well could say yes, just ask Pink how well it worked out for her.

Save

Looking for a Husband? Date Marriage Minded Men

Date Marriage Minded Men

In Tell him to “Put a Ring On It” I briefly mentioned the need to date marriage minded men if marriage is your goal.

This should be a no-brainer when you’ve decided that you want more than a casual relationship, but for too many of us it’s not. Somehow we meet a guy, think he’s great and decide to ignore the fact that he said, “Well, I’m not looking for anything serious right now.”

Then we act all surprised when not only won’t he “put a ring on it,” he won’t “put a title on it,” either.

It’s time we stop with the insanity. Brandon St. Randy had a post up talking about the Indian way of marriage, where arranged marriages are still the norm and the more “progressive” dating process involves folk dating a few months before they walk down the aisle (or around the fire).

While I’m not sure full on arranged marriages are the way to go, I do believe there is a happy medium between arranged marriages and the western style of dating that will have you dating someone for years and still not sure if they’re the one for you.

The only point of dating is to find your future spouse. Not to end up in a perpetual pseudo marriage, only to have it end in heartbreak and pain when it doesn’t work out and then to start all over again. Honestly, if you’re a woman over 25 who wants to be married and have kids, then you should be dating with a purpose and not wasting your time on anyone who isn’t on the same page you’re on.

You have to be mercenary when dating, eliminating men on the first date who don’t meet your standards, share your values or goals.

Throw the “normal” dating rule out of the window.

Ask all of the “rude” first date questions on a first date.

If he isn’t giving the answers you’re looking for, then keep it moving. You don’t have time to waste on a guy who doesn’t want the same things you want. I guarantee when you give your dating a purpose you will feel so liberated. You will alleviate the stress associated with dating, guessing whether a man is into you or not, and waiting for him to decide your future for you.

And that’s an important point. Too often we let men determine the pace and future of our relationship lives. We wait for him to choose us as a potential date, girlfriend, wife. This can lead to disastrous results as some women spend years, decades even with men who have no intentions of proposing, even though they desperately want to be wife.

If you take control of your dating life by only dating marriage minded men then you eliminate all of this waiting around, hoping and praying for him to chose you. You all will choose each other and the relationship will be that much stronger for it.

Side Effects of Adultery: Slashed Tires, Hot Grits and Death

Adultery Has Consequences

*Announcers Voice*

Feeling lonely in your marriage?

Have things just become boring an predictable?

Is your spouse just not giving it to you the way they used to?

Well talk to your doctor about Adultery.

Adultery has been proven to alleviate many of the pains associated with a boring and predictable marriage. You will be able to find that spark for life again and experience the fun, newness, and excitement you had in your relationships before you were married.

You should only take Adultery a few times a year.

You should consult your doctor before you take Adultery to ensure you are healthy enough to begin the medication.

Tell your doctor right away If you experience any itching, burning or unexplained breakouts while taking Adultery.

Side effects may include: destroying your family, hurting your kids, jail time, loss of career, STD’s, hot grits, slashed tires, keyed cars, bleached wardrobes, burnt homes, potash, bodily harm and death

Adultery may be the answer you are looking for all of your marital woes.

Ask your doctor about Adultery.

*End announcers voice*

Funny huh?

In the aftermath of the tragedy that was Steve McNair it seems many men folk have forgotten how serious adultery/cheating/playing with folks emotions really is. Men, more so then the ladies, put all the blame for what happened on Kazemi – the delusional chick who offed herself and McNair. They seem to believe that the tragedy lies solely on her shoulders.

I’m sorry to disappoint the fellas (and some of the ladies) put Kazemi isn’t even the main person to blame for this horror.

This tragedy comes in two parts and had McNair remembered that one of the consequences to adultery is death, maybe he’d still be alive today.

We seem to forget that this type of crime happens so often it’s given a name – a crime of passion.

Not only is it given a name, but a look at pop culture can easily reveal how common retribution by a spurned lover is. From Fatal Attraction to Jazmine Sullivan, our various forms of entertainment are chalk full of examples of the high price people pay for playing around on their significant others.

To those who don’t get it, and seem to think Steve McNair couldn’t have seem this coming, I will make it as clear for you as I can: Remember Al Green and those hot grits?

Nuff said.

And while Rev. Green may not have died, I’m pretty sure most people who read this blog don’t have to delve too far in their lives or their friends and families lives to find tales of a jilted lover/spouse that exacted their revenge with a bullet, knife or some deadly fisticuffs.

Does it happen in all cases of adultery? No.

Does it happen in the majority of cases of adultery? No.

Does it happen often enough that it is a foreseeable consequence of adultery? Yes.

Just like all drug users don’t die, all adulterers won’t die, but it doesn’t mean that death isn’t a real consequence of drug use and adultery.

Folk need to think about those consequences long and hard before dipping their pens in someone else’s inkwell (or opening their inkwells to other folk’s pens).

Maybe if they did we wouldn’t have to hear about these type of tragedies that impact not just the adulterer and the murderer, but also the families they leave behind.

Is an Open Marriage Ever Okay?

Open To An Open Marriage?

So not too long ago Monique’s husband was quoted as saying he didn’t mind if his wife got her sex on with another man:

“We’re saying that if by some chance that you hear scandal and you hear that Mo’Nique slept with another man, it won’t be a need for a press conference because I’m going to say, ‘Why are y’all tripping off that? Because that’s what she did. Did she sleep with that man and you?’ That’s not a deal breaker for myself … We are logical enough to understand that things like this do happen.”

Monique has also been quoted as stating that she has an open marriage and she’s okay with that. Now I know Monique isn’t the best example to use of a person having an open marriage. She isn’t known for her stellar choice in men (first husband was a criminal and illiterate) and her decision to have an open marriage reeks of desperation. You know, the fat girl wants love so she will agree to anything so she can have this slim, half-way attractive man.

So the question is, is an open marriage ever okay?

A while back Will Smith made a comment along the lines of him and Jada not breaking up should someone dip out as long as it was something that was talked about first. That simple comment sent the black blogs ablazin’ as folk who don’t know Will and Jada from Adam and Eve were in a tither at the mere idea that the two might have a marital arrangement outside of the norm or what folk would consider acceptable.

I’ve never quite understood why people get all up in arms over what consenting adults decide to do in their relationships. I’m of the opinion that as long as the two parties involved are completely okay with the arrangement then it isn’t any concern of mine. People have the right to set the terms of their relationships without approval from the masses.

So once again I ask: is an open marriage ever okay? Why or why not? And could you see yourself agreeing to such terms in a relationship?

Sorry, but a College Educated Man is a Must When It Comes to Marriage

A College Educated Man Is A Must

So today Belle, over at a Belle in Brookly had a post about settling when it comes to relationships and marriage:

Would you settle? Have you? Is there a difference between settling and compromise? If so, what is it?
–
I think about it all the time.
–
Years ago, I read a quote somewhere that went, “whenever you settle, you always get less than you settled for.”

As the conversation progressed many women (myself included) said the differences between compromising and settling is that you decide what your deal breakers are and then don’t budge on them. Those things that are most important to you aren’t things you can compromise on ’cause then you’re settling.

When I mentioned that a deal breaker for me was lack of a college educated…I was immediately called shallow…and Belle’s comment to me summed up what many of the men and women felt about my deal breaker:

…your qualifications about a degree are shallow. (sorry to be blunt, but I’m typing in a hurry.) I’m not saying go find a man who doesn’t read. I’m saying that degrees don’t have a sense of humor or investigate bumps in the night, or bring you soup when you’re sick or keep the bed warm. It’s a piece of paper not a character trait. If the piece of paper is more important than any of that, God bless you and good night. Oh, and there are a lot of dumb people with degrees who don’t read or watch the news. I don’t say this to get at you in any kind of way. I just [dont] want the younger women reading to think that makes any kind of sense.

Shallow?

‘Cause i expect a man to be college educated?

Right.

Here was my response:

LOL
–
Black American women are the only women I know who can say with a straight face that a man NOT being college educated is shallow and shouldn’t be a deal breaker.
–
The only ones.
–
I’m convinced it’s because younger generations of black women have been conditioned to expect less from brothers. It never fails that I get such a venomous reaction when I say I expect a man to be college educated.
–
“I’m saying that degrees don’t have a sense of humor or investigate bumps in the night, or bring you soup when you’re sick or keep the bed warm.”‘
–
I never said they did. I just said it was a deal breaker for me.
–
And no it’s not shallow. I value education for education’s sake. Not out of some sense of money and success, even though there is a high correlation between the two…anyone can Google the studies and see for yourself.
–
All men who go to college aren’t intelligent – no joke – but I don’t date them.
–
I date brilliant, highly intelligent and/or talented, ambitious men, I haven’t met one yet who didn’t have at least a bachelors.
–
There isn’t a single man in my group of friends and extended peer group who doesn’t have At Least a bachelors and most have advanced and/or professional degrees. Not One. And my circle of people are 99% black.
–
Take a poll of the fortune 500 or 100 all of our Presidents and most anyone with a professional career of any sort (hell many policemen and firemen too) and then come back and tell me how being college educated isn’t important and is merely a shallow requirement.
–
If all you want is someone who has a “sense of humor or investigate bumps in the night, or bring[s] you soup when you’re sick or keep the bed warm.”
–
Then by all means don’t consider his level of education.
–
But i require much more than that in a serious relationship…and a man who poo poo’s at furthering his education isn’t going to give it to me.
–
Sorry
–
And note to the young women on the board, my advice remains the same: Know what are deal breakers for YOU and then make your choices in men. Don’t decide on what’s a deal breaker based on what other people think…’cause then you’d be settling.

And I stand by what I said. For me, being college educated is about shared values. I will be John Brown if I marry a man and he says to our children, “Oh daddy didn’t go to college and I’m successful so you don’t above to go either.”

That would make me slap him and any child who thought that was a good idea.

It’s funny to me ’cause most of the women I hear saying a college education doesn’t matter are college educated themselves. Often this “he doesn’t have to have a degree” mind set seems to be perpetuated by women who feel like they should, “give a brother a chance,” and understand how hard it is for a black man to make it or feel like they’re shutting off the number of available of black men they have to choose from for marriage if they insist he has a college degree.

That kind of thinking comes from a place of fear and sets you up to actually settle and be unhappy in whatever marriage you have. I don’t know about anybody else, but I’m not looking for any good man, but the right good man for me and nine times out of ten that’s going to require a college education.

Relationship Advice: Smart Women Marry for Money

Smart Women Marry For Money

Black women and marriage are consistently a hot topic online and off. However much of the topic tends to be on the low marriage rates among black women and not on the reasons and they type of men black women should marry. While there are many reasons women should marry, when it comes to black women, marriage and the factors that go into such a decision, money is definitely one the many factors for marriage that need to be discussed.

Money and sex happen to be the number 1 and number 2 reasons for divorce in this country, yet they are also the two things folk like to pretend aren’t that important in a relationship. I’ve already made it clear that I think sex is a relationship deal breaker and to that I will add that a woman who doesn’t evaluate her future spouses earning potential is a plum fool. And no, this isn’t about marrying solely for money…any woman who does so will earn every penny of it…but it is about recognize that your choice in souse will be one of the most important financial decision you make.

We’ve all been weaned on fairytales and Hollywood fantasies where love conquers all, but last time checked the chick in the fairytale was marrying a prince and rarely does a Holllywood movie leave people broke and happy. And before anyone decides to tell me how their parents and grandparents were married for twenty-five years and were happy as a lark, I will say that may be true (doubtful but true), but I promise you they didn’t want to struggle. They may have made the best with the hand that was dealt them, but I guarantee that no one wants to struggle. No one says, “Hey can I have a helping of struggle with a side of stress and despair please,” as they are starting off in life.

A man’s earning potential is one of many factors that has to be evaluated before marriage can be considered. Like it or not this is still a patriarchal society we live in. Women still get paid less for similar work, can still hit the glass ceiling in corporate America and often have to choose between being a mommy and having a high powered career. We still ask the question can women have it all and as long as we’re asking the question the answer is a resounding NO…at least not at the same time. There’s a reason why medical schools and law schools are rough;y 50% female, yet when you look at hospitals and law firms across the country they aren’t reflective of that fact. Many high earning women marry high earning men and once the children show up their careers take a backseat. Even many of those who continue to work do so on a part-time basis.

And even if you want to continue your career then you’re going to have to have appropriate child care and that costs quite a bit of money as well. Either way you turn the need to make a smart financial choice in a spouse (for those who want marriage) is absolutely necessary. This idea that he’s a “good man” but he’s barely making above minimum wage is a joke. He may be a good man, but he is not ready to be a husband. Basic test: if a man is not in a position to provide the basics for a family – food, clothing and shelter – then he is not ready to be married. Date him, enjoy his company, but think long and hard before you say “I Do.” Contrary to popular belief love does not conquer all, however it does grease the divorce proceedings quite nicely.

Why Marriage is a Bad Deal for Women

Marraige Bad Deal for Women

Marriage A Bad Deal For Women

I fundamentally believe marriage is a bad deal for women.

Ultimately when it comes to Holy Matrimony women get the short end of the stick and if the divorce rates are any indication (75% of divorces are initiated by women) then I’m not alone in thinking this. The main reason why divorce is horrible for women is that the institution hasn’t changed much from the times when women were viewed as property of first their fathers and then their husbands.

Nowadays (many) men still have the expectation that their wives will still be June Cleaver (Homemakers for those who don’t get the Leave It to Beaver reference) and they will be providers and protectors. However, women are also taking on those roles as well, but still expected to do their “wifely” duties. Basically with the aid of the Women’s Movement, women took on more responsibility and didn’t get much in return.

At least under the old system it was understood that women took care of home and men made the money to care for the family. Not always the ideal situation for women, but at least a more equitable distribution of labor and responsibility. Now many men balk at the idea of a stay at home wife and have every expectation that their wives contribute to the bills and still manage to throw down in the kitchen, take care of the kids (and him) and still do gymnastics in the bedroom.

Really?

Really, Really?

Too many men I meet expect their women to be like their over worked mommas and grandmamas who’s only thought was taking care of home and her dependents (including her husband). Well, I’m sorry to disappoint, but I’m no mule. If a man wants a maid (or his momma) then he needs to hire won or better yet, marry her. I refuse to be run ragged made to beleive that a real woman can juggle home, marriage, career and kids and do it all with a smile and in three inch heels. That’s a fantasy, a bill of goods, a lie that “modern” women have been fed over the years and somehow have swallowed as truth. And if more women were honest with themselves they’d know it was a lie too.

The other deal with me and marriage is that too many women I know seem to lose their identity once they say “I do.” They become wives and mothers but self seems to get lost along the way. Also many women become shells of their former vibrant, intelligent selves. Not always, but often. I know several happy marriages and those couples tend to fall into one of two categories, which also happens to be the only times I believe marriage is worthwhile for a woman:

1. The man makes enough money to care for the family only on his income. Whether the wife is working or not she knows that she and the kids will be well taken care of. If she is working then her income goes to savings, help pay down debt, vacations, etc. The point is it won’t take two incomes to live comfortably and their will be sufficient funds to outsource housework (i.e. get a maid) if need be, freeing up time to be with each other and the kids.

2. A true egalitarian relationship. I know some marriages that are true partnerships. They are equally involved in making their lives together work. There is no “His” and “Her” work, the husbands do as much housework and child rearing as their wives. They work out the bills in a way that works well for them and because no one spouse is being overworked they still have plenty of time for each other.

I know many folk who balk at one and while many people hope for two that is rarely how it works out. I’ve seen enough marriages through friends and family across socio-economic lines to know that many “typical’ marriages mean a lot of work for women with too few benefits. And please don’t talk to me about love and companionship because those can happen without a ring and too often seem to last longer when you don’t say “I do.”

I think too often, we as women idealize marriage and make it about what we hope it to be instead of what it really is. I think many women should probably take a hard look at the institution before they dive in and make sure that what they want and are expecting to get out of marriage is really what they are going to get. Like I said, 75% of divorces are initiated by women, so there is something about marriage that’s not working for the fairer sex, a fact no one really talks about when we focus so much on getting that ring.

Save

Turns Out, You Should Tell Him to “Put a Ring On It”

Tell Him To Put A Ring On It

Last week we learned about the six guidelines for women to get married according to John T. Molloy and the research he conducted for his book, Why Men Marry Some Men and Not Others. That post focused on guideline 5: Keep in shape, watch your weight, and take care of your appearance.

This week I’m focusing on the #1 guideline women need to follow if they want to get married and that is to “insist on it.” Turns out, you have to tell the guy to “put a ring on it,” or it’s just not going to happen. When

When Mollow looked at men who had dated a woman for years and didn’t marry her and then turned around and married the next woman he dated after a very short amount of time, the difference was that the second woman made the guy commit early on in the relationship. She put it on the table that being with her meant marriage and after a designated period of time if he wasn’t proposing, she was walking.

Molloy readily recommends women being up front with their expectation of marriage, setting a date for the commitment to happen and then walking if it doesn’t:

If you meet a man who has had a long-term relationship, make it clear to him that if he dates you for a certain length of time, you’ll expect a ring. If he doesn’t understand that, you haven’t done your job. Don’t think his affirmative response to such a declaration is a precursor to his making a commitment. He’s strung many women along, and he may try it with you. If after six months you don’t have a firm commitment, leave.

Time is not on your side in the marriage lottery and Mollow stresses time and time again that wasting your time in a going nowhere relationship or with a man who isn’t looking to get married is marital suicide. Don’t do it to yourself. There’s no shame in leting your sgnificant other know that, “look, being with me means marriage.” If he balks at the idea then you know you need to keep it stepping and send him packing. To quote Beyonce: If you liked it then you should have put a ring on it.

3 Reasons Why Marriage Isn’t the Answer

Marriage Doesn’t Automatically Fix Anything

Contrary to popular belief, marriage is not a panacea. Conventional wisdom dictates that if women just married and stopped having all of those out of wedlock kids, the black community would be okay. Problems solved or at least on the way to being solved. The problem with this way of thinking is it overlooks some very basic facts:

1. Lack of marriage isn’t the problem – Lack of economic opportunity is

What comes first: marriage or a job? The answer is: a job. There are large swaths of the black community, black males in particular, that are chronically underemployed or unemployed. The reasons behind this chronic unemployment is best left for another blog post, but the results are these men aren’t marriage material. Women won’t marry men who can’t hold down a well-paying job and by well-paying I mean above minimum wage. The greatest factor on whether a lower class/working class woman will marry her child’s father is if he has a job that will bring in a middle-class income.

Now you may argue why are women having babies from men who aren’t marriageable, they should just keep their legs closed and hold out for better. The reality however is that people meet, date and marry within their socioeconomic class. If these women weren’t dating and mating with these men who would they date and mate with? Are we going to suggest that a certain class of women (which make u the bulk of the black community) should not have children…ever? Are we going to penalize women because the many men in their class tier aren’t husband and/or father material?

2. Partnering while poor is difficult and doesn’t prevent your children from suffering the same ills as their out of wedlock peers

This is the one no one talks about when their touting the need for marriage in the black community. Kids who are born to poor married parents suffer the exact same ills as those kids who are born out of wedlock. If marriage was such an an inoculation to issues such as dropping out of high school and teen pregnancy than kids who were born poor, but to married families, would do better than their single parent counterparts. The reality is they don’t. The reason being it’s their socioeconomic status is the problem not their marital status.

Not only that, but marriages among the poor/working class have a much higher divorce rate than other socioeconomic brackets. Partnering while poor is difficult. The constant stress of money takes its toll on the marriage. So even if you do marry, have your child, there is greater likelihood that you will be divorced and end up as a single parent anyway. No one seems to talk about that aspect of marriage. People do divorce…then you’re a single parent…now what?

3. Among college-educated women who are working less than 10% of them live in poverty

The best thing that can be done for a low-income woman is not to have her marry her baby daddy, but to increase here earning potential through education and job training. Marriage to a low-income man does nothing to boost her lot in life, but can add stress and possible domestic violence issues because of the stress of having little money has on the marriage. However, education and job training greatly increases the likelihood she can create a better life for herself, her children and by moving up the socioeconomic ladder also increases the likelihood she can meet a marry a qualified partner.

So, as you can see, marriage really isn’t the answer, at least when it is not accompanied by economic stability. Saying “I do” is no guarantee that your kids are going to grow up and live happy healthy, middle-class lives. To really get marriage back on track, particularly in the lower classes you’d have to fix the economic problems first and then and only then can you begin to tackle the other issues that hamper marriage in the black community.

Save