Use Yoga to Stop the Clock

Use Yoga To Slow Down Father Time

We already know, “Black don’t crack,” but if you’d like to enhance the natural youthful beauty Black women retain well into their older years, you may want to consider taking up yoga. From Prevention.com:

Minimizes wrinkles Yoga can reduce stress by nearly a third, reports a German study of 24 women. As a result, clenched jaws and furrowed brows relax, helping to smooth away wrinkles. It may also rejuvenate skin’s glow by reducing oxidative stress, which breaks down skin’s elasticity. In an Indian study of 104 people, oxidative stress levels dropped by 9% after just 10 days of yoga.
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Slows weight gain During a 10-year University of Washington study of 15,500 men and women over age 45, those who didn’t do yoga gained up to 13.5 pounds. Those who practiced regularly lost up to 5 pounds.
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Eases pain Yoga is twice as effective as stretching at relieving back pain, according to another University of Washington study that had 101 people with lower-back pain do either yoga or stretching once a week for 3 months.

We all have those older relatives who are in their 60’s and easily look like they are in their 40’s, yoga just seems like it would add a little “umph” to Black women’s ability to age gracefully. Besides, being healthier, slimmer and more relaxed is something we all can benefit from, regardless of age.

You Can Be Thick And Healthy

Skinny Does Not Equal Healthy

There’s been a lot of talk around the blogosphere as late on Black women and their thickness and how aspiring to be thick causes women to be unhealthy, overweight and obese.

Well, in my opinion, there is a very big difference between being thick and fat. If you’re confused, the following is easy to remember: Beyonce = Thick. Monique = Fat. Simple.

You can be thick and healthy. Contrary to popular belief ass and thigh fat won’t kill you, but belly fat will. As women, we should keep our waist under 31.5 inches for optimal health and to fight against common illnesses among Black women such as diabetes, heart disease, and hyper tension.

Let’s be clear; Black women are naturally curvy, “thick” women. There is nothing wrong with that. You don’t have to lose your curves just because you’re trying to be healthy. But health should be your number one priority above all else.

I assure you f you’re a naturally big butt/big hip woman that’s not going to disappear because you hit the treadmill or the Stairmaster several times a week. As I like to say this isn’t about being a size 6. It is about being a healthier, happier you. So keep that in mind…and hit the gym.

There’s the Man You Date and There’s the Man You Marry

The Man You Marry, Know The Difference

So often we here from men (and other women) that there are women you date and there are women you marry or, to put more crassly, you can’t turn a ho into a housewife. Well, the same applies to men. There is the man you date and there is the man you marry or, put another way, you can’t turn a hustler into a husband, and as women, we need to stop trying.

By “hustler” I don’t mean men who may be involved in illegal activities, I mean men who don’t have the emotional maturity, interest or ability to fully commit to one woman and family life. To often women take on the mentality that, “I can change him,” or “Love will conquer all.” Well I’m sorry to disappoint, but that works in movies and fairytales, there is a reason why they end at “Happily Ever After.”

You need to know they type of man you have. All relationships don’t have to or should end in marriage. And if the only reason you have for getting married is because you, “love him” then I need you to seriously rethink your decision. Love is but one factor in many that one needs to consider before walking down the aisle. All men, regardless of how much you may love each other, are not ready for marriage and you can’t make him ready, that’s something he has to do on his own.

So to save yourself a lot of heartache and pain, ask yourself if the man you’re with is really husband material. Is he ready to fully commit to you? To family? Will he be able to handle the ups and downs that come with married life? Are you all on the same page on the major issues: sex, finances, children, religion? Have you even talked about these things?

If the answer is no, then have the necessary discussions and if the answers aren’t what you need them to be then you know he’s a man you date, not one you marry.

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Wearing a Man Down is NOT a Marriage Strategy

Do You Have A Viable Marriage Strategy?

On Knowing When to Move On, a commenter posted the following:

And not for nothing, a lot of women can wear a man down or be the last option standing after a 10yr wait! It happens all the time… By then he has pressure from everyone to “do the right thing” so he usually does. That’s not the best way to make it to the alter. Although I have seen it A LOT, and everyone lies to themselves about the situation! That is until the sad little marriage falls apart. Then everyone remembers that it took the couple 10 yrs to agree that they wanted to get married!(and fyi: these marriages usually look real good at first!)

Wearing a man down not a marriage strategy. I know so many women who believe if they just stick around long enough then they will be rewarded for their stupidity loyalty with a gold ring. I know a woman who waited EIGHT years for her man to propose. He did. Add while they have been married for awhile they are having problems. Namely, he wants more kids (they have one) and she does not. Something you think they would have figured out in eight years of dating.

We can look to celebrity couples for this sort of thing as well, with mixed results. You have Diddy and Kim who, after 3 kids, 13 years and 1 J-Lo still could not convince Combs to marry her. And then there is Tiny and T.I. who, after 2 kids, 1 miscarriage, and a possible 10 year prison sentence finally got around to asking his long term girlfriend to marry him. The jury is still out on whether they actually make it down the aisle.

And our entertainment gives us such nonsense as well. Sex in the City perpetuated this foolishness by having Big FINALLY (sort of) propose to Carrie after 10 years of off and on dating and adultery–leading women to believe that they too can get their Mr. Big if they just wait long enough. Sigh. The lesson one should take from Sex in the City should be screw a Mr. Big…marry Aidan.

I don’t get this. I don’t get this laser focus on one man that will cause someone to give up years, decades even, of their life in hopes that this man will propose, with no guarantee that that is how things are going to work out (think Kim and Diddy). As I often ask on this blog, why are women so willing to give u their power? Contrary to all of the talk, getting married isn’t that difficult. And the one easiest way to see that it happens, is to follow this very simple advice: If you’re with a man who doesn’t want to get married, when you’re looking to get married, for whatever reason, then drop him and find you someone who is.

Simple.

Relationships are about compatibility and if you’re seeking marriage and he is not then you all are not compatible. Hoping, praying, begging, pleading, waiting is not going to make him marry you. And even if he does…what kind of marriage will it be? I don’t know about anyone else, but I want a man who wants to marry me, not one I had to drag, kicking and screaming, to the alter.

3 Signs Your Man is Cheating

Top Signs Man Is Cheating

So in Top 5 Signs You are Not His (Only)

Woman seems like those who commented on the post wanted to know how to tell if your man was cheating:

I dig what you’re saying but what about the supposed wifey/main chick who hears from him at regular hours, has met his friends and family, gets taken out, etc. yet is still being cheated on? How’s she supposed to know? That’s a list I’d like to read = )
– Jennifer

However, what about the guy who is doing everything right, calling during the day, you have met his friends, you are super close, didn’t give up the panties until months in…..but you find out he is cheating and wonder how did he pull it off?? Ain’t that many hours in the day….lol
– Posh

yeah im with jennifer these are obvious signs that he isnt your but like she siad what about if none of these signs describe him and you still think he is with someone else
– Cherish

Well, you know, I don’t believe that there is a woman alive who doesn’t know her man is cheating. I believe signs are everywhere and that women choose to ignore the obvious. You know your man and you know when something isn’t right.

For example: With one of my exes who I was off and on with for a year or so, I always knew when he was about to bounce. He was the type who would always call when he said he would. ALWAYS. So when he’s start not calling me back after saying he would call, I knew he was about to pull one of his disappearing acts. It never failed. It was always the same.

Another ex, would pick random fights with me for no reason when he was about to break up with me. Always. I knew it was coming because we would be fine and then for no reason he would cop a huge attitude, pick a fight and then bounce. My clue there was another woman.

So my point is, there are always signs. You’re just (willfully) ignoring them. We all perform a certain level of cognitive dissonance in out lives and I don’t know anyone who is more willingly delusional than a woman who doesn’t want to believe her man is cheating.

Here are a few red flags that he may be tipping out:

1. Sudden Changes in Schedule/Routine

Did he used to go to the gym in the mornings and now he goes in the evening? Is there no real explanation for the change. Has he stopped doing something, or stated doing something that he wasn’t doing before? Was there no warning and when you ask you get vague answers?

2. More Time at Work

Is he all of a sudden spending more time at work, but like the changes in schedule, it’s abrupt with no warning. As far as you know there isn’t any new project or responsibilities that he as at his job, but all of a sudden he seems to spend more and more time there. When you ask about all the new hours, he doesn’t give you an answer that’s worth the time he took to say it.

3. The Sex/Grooming/Weight Changes

This is actually the easiest way to tell if a woman is cheating but works for a man as well. Is the sex drastically different? More frequent? Less frequent? Is he doing different stuff? Is he spending more time on his looks then he was before? Has he started losing weight? Wearing cologne? Keeping a fresh cut? Dapper down?

Yeah, you might want to chalk the new found sexiness up to a new woman.

But you know this. Like I said, women know when their men are tipping out. By the time you satrt asking the question, “Is he cheating,” you already know the answer. You know your man better than I do. And if you’re honest with yourself, the question isn’t, “Is he cheating,” the real question is, “What are you going to do about it?.”

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Top 5 Signs You’re Not His (Only) Woman

Five Signs He’s Cheating On You

Many women I know or have known claim they have a man or that someone they’re seeing really cares about them , but when you hear the details of their “relationship” you realize that it’s no relationship at all but an extended booty call. She’s making time with a guy when she is definitely NOT the only chick and more than like not even the main chick.

1. He only calls you after 11pm

Let’s face it, if he can’t call you doing normal business hours, you are not his woman. If the only time he can pick up the phone (or text) you is doing standard booty call hours you have to ask yourself who he’s calling when he’s not calling you.

2. The only time he calls is when he wants sex

Regardless of the hour of day he’s calling, if the only time he calls is when he’s looking for a little bedroom action, well he may like your lady parts but he definitely doesn’t like you.

3. You haven’t met any of his friends and family

If a guy is really into a chick he’s going to (eventually) introduce her to friends and family. At the very least his friends and family will be aware that you exist. If you’ve never met anyone who is close to him, there is a good reason why and it’s not one that’s good for you.

4. He never takes you out

If the only thing he wants to do is hang out at the house and he never takes you out or attempts to take you out, there’s a reason for that. Believe me if he’s not taking you out, there’s a good chance that he ‘s out with someone else. And even if he’s not dating someone else, his unwillingness to take you out is a good sign that he hasn’t any real interest in you. You are definitely not his woman.

5. You don’t know how he spends his time when he’s not with you

If you’re clueless about how he spends his time when he’s not with you, then you don’t know him and if you don’t know him, you’re not his woman. If you ask him, “what did you do today,” and his answers are always vague, well just assume he was doing things (or spending time with someone) he doesn’t want you to know about. And if that is the case…well…you’re better off finding another man ’cause the one you have isn’t yours

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How Soon is too Soon for Sex?

How Soon Is Too Soon For Sex In A Relationship

This is a question that women constantly agonize over. In a world that’s still quick to label a woman who falls out of accepted sexual norms, many women are still wary of “getting their numbers up.”

Well, my short answer to this question is whatever seems right for you. Having sex with someone is an intensely personal decision. You need to feel comfortable with your decision and only do what seems like the right decision for you.

Now with that said I’ll tell you the rules I live my life by:

1. When a girl just wants to have fun

There really isn’t a right time or wrong time in this scenario. If I like you and you like me and we’re on the same page–then all systems go. Suit up and enjoy the ride so to speak.

2. Looking for a relationship

I’ve got a pretty solid (at least)

I’ve got a pretty solid (at least) two-month rule. Usually, at the two-month mark you have at least 3 or 4 dates under your belt and you have a pretty good idea of who the person is. You know whether you all have enough in common to make a relationship work, whether there is something that should keep you from dating him or hell just whether you even like the guy as much as you thought.

Rarely has my two-month rule failed me. And unfortunately for a lot of men have aided in my decision to keep my panties on. The other thing is, no matter how great the relationship is, there is no sex unless we end up together.

Otherwise, you end up in what I like to call a pseudo-relationship, ya’ll together in everything but name only, yet dude is giving you fifty-elven excuses about why ya’ll are not “official.” Oh, but he reserves the right to be mad if he finds out you’re seeing someone else.

No thank you. I’ll pass.

In the end. How you decided to navigate the sexual waters is up to you, but make sure it’s you do so in a way that works for you and your needs, wants and desires and not because you feel pressured into doing something to make someone else feel good.

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The “Easiest” Thing I Can Do Tonight To Help Manage My Weight

Use Sleep To Manage Weight Loss

Last week I stepped off the curb and into the path of oncoming traffic.

Fortunately, I made it across the street okay, but it was definitely a wakeup call. I was essentially sleepwalking through my day on about 4-5 hours of sleep.

Unfortunately, this is a regular occurrence for me. I get in bed somewhere between 2-3:30 am and am up at around 7:30 am. Most days I think I “manage” it well but others, like that day, I know it’s a problem.

I’ve always known about the link between lack of sleep and weight gain. I have a friend who recently lost a good amount of weight and credits his success in part to always getting a good night’s sleep – at least 7 hours. With my average of 4 hours of sleep, I am missing out on one of the most crucial phases of the sleep process.

Phase 1: During this phase, a person is in between wake and sleep. The person can be awakened easily.

Phase 2: This is a period of light sleep during which body temperature drops.

Phase 3 and Phase 4: These are the phases during which a person experiences an increasingly deeper stage of sleep called delta sleep. During this restorative stage, the body is repairing itself, building bone and muscle and releasing certain hormones.

I know better than to think that I can just go home tonight, firmly pledging to sleep a minimum of 7 hours a night. I need to take small steps to change my habits.

Here a few tips from the article, “Sleep Your Way To Slim:”

Instead of trying to adhere to a strict lights-out policy every night, aim to get in bed early at least one night per week.
Ease yourself into your slumber session with a bath.
Eating a carb-based mini-meal of no more than 200 calories 45 minutes before drifting off can raise serotonin levels, helping you relax and sleep well. Try a whole-wheat English muffin with a tablespoon of honey or a cup of instant oatmeal with 1/4 cup of chopped apple.

How many hours of sleep are you getting on average each night?

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Are You In Need Of Exercise Motivation?

Here’s Your Exercise Motivation

It’s been a struggle lately to find the motivation to move my body. Cookouts, happy hour cocktails, and general hot fun in the summertime have easily diverted my attention away from the elliptical.

Apparently, I’m not alone.

So when an e-mail showed up in my inbox titled, “11 Great Ways To Get Movitvated,” it seemed like divine intervention.

11 Great Ways To Get Motivated

You know you’ve got to get moving. You resolve to park the car a few blocks from work, take the stairs and hit the gym after work. But a few weeks pass and before you know it parking spots start opening up right in front of the building, the elevator is already in the lobby, and you’ve worked late every night that week. It’s not that you don’t know how to get fit, you just can’t seem to stay motivated. We all know people who are religious with their workouts. So, what’s their secret?

We asked fitness experts and regular Joes alike how they stick with their routine. These methods keep them moving; maybe one will work for you.

1. Embarrass Yourself
Make a mark on your calendar every time you make it to the gym or park. Seeing your motivation, (or lack thereof) in black and white helps keep you going. Suzanne Schlosberg and Liz Neporent, authors of Fitness for Dummies, Second Edition (IDG Books Worldwide, Inc., 2000) suggest “whether you write your goals on the side of your shoe or in your training diary, glancing at them on a daily basis will help keep you focused and motivated. Some people tape their goals to their bathroom mirror or refrigerators.” Do whatever works to make you remember what you promised yourself.

2. Join a Plan That Wouldn’t Have You for a Member
So you’re not Steffi Graf. That doesn’t mean you can’t join a tennis team. Richard Cotton, chief exercise physiologist for MyExercisePlan.com, says “joining a club, team, or finding an exercise partner…provides a support system and someone to simply share the experience with. Often times just knowing someone will be asking you ‘How’s it going?’ can be the difference between exercise success and failure.”

3. Love Thy Neighbor and Love Thyself
You can’t leave a neighbor standing on the corner checking her watch. She knows where you live. Miriam Nelson, Director of the Center for Physical Fitness at Tufts University, and the author of Strong Women Stay Young and Strong Women Stay Slim (Bantam Doubleday Dell, 1999) says, “When I make a date with a neighbor to go for a run I keep it, and we have a great time.” She also plans a regular appointment with her neighbors. “Saturday mornings several of my neighbors come over and we lift weights together; it’s a great way to start the weekend,” she says.

Read the other 8 here.

Let me know in the comments how you stay motivated when the going gets rough.

Vivrant Thang writes about life, love and the pursuit of good music over at Songs In The Key Of Life.

Stop Playing Wife If Your Man’s Not Playing Husband

Stop Playing Wife When You’re Just A Girlfriend

To all the desperate women out there: Stop it. You’re making it hard for the rest of us. I’m tired of encountering men who seem to believe all they have to do is look good, have a degree and smile to have my panties fall off.

I’m tired of the men who’s first question seems to be: Can you to cook? To which I reply: Yes. I can. But I won’t be doing it for you.

I’m tired of the men who call at all times of night, asking to come over and “chill” as I let them know that it’s too late to be at my crib and what ever “chilling” they want to do can be done between the hours of 9 and 10.

Or how about the men who don’t have a pot to piss in or a window to throw it out of but seem to think it’s their right in life to have a “dime.” And that my extra fly ass should be grateful that they even said hello to me and can’t possibly understand why I’m not leaping up and down at the prospect of being with them.

And please, don’t get me started on all of the men who tell me that I want them as much as they want me. Right. So all those texts and phone calls I didn’t return didn’t send the message that I wasn’t interested , huh?

The reason why so many men today think that they have to do so little to attract quality chicks, is because they don’t. Too many women out here will do whatever it takes to find, get and keep a man, turning the whole natural order of the dating world on its head. Women are doing the chasing and men are doing the choosing. And apparently I’m the only one who seems to think something is wrong with that.

I’m old school. I may only be 28, but I was raised to believe that it’s a man’s job to court me. He does the chasing. I do the choosing. Simple. And effective. But now, because of the very real demographic differences among a certain section of the Black community, women are doing whatever it takes to get a man. And I do mean whatever.

If that means cooking, cleaning, sexing, cow towing, begging, pleading, giving money to, letting live with, catching a case for (no lie) or just being a 21st century rendition of a Geisha with none of the perks who completely takes Destiny’s Child “Cater to You” to heart with little to no reciprocation, then so be it. If that’s what it takes to get and keep a man, then that is what too many women are willing do.

I’m sorry, but I just can’t get down like that. As I have had to tell one too many men: I am not your wife. And even if I was, I wouldn’t be bending over backward to cater to you. If you want 150% from me, then you better be giving me 150% in return. But don’t expect to operate on 10% and expect me to give you 150. If you’re operating on 10%, I’m operating on 20 and that’s just because I’m nice–sometimes.

To put simply: I give as good as I get. You wanna wife, you need to put a ring on my finger. I don’t play wife, unless you’re playing husband. A sentiment I wish more young women would take to heart.

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