The Mistress Speaks: When the Main Woman Becomes the Other Woman

Stories of Mistresses
This is the third installment of our series The Mistress Speaks. The following is a story that was sent to me, unchanged, except for removing any identifying information. Enjoy!

Stories of Mistresses: When the Main Woman Becomes the Other Woman

I met him through the personal ads. We dated over a year and a half before we got married. Our wedding was a simple civil deal with my Mother and sister present. I thought we were happy until 2004. My world officially came to an end. He was sneaking around with a chick he found on the Internet. He asked for a separation and I obliged. Got my stuff and left without a fight. I knew of her before when I found an elusive email on the computer. Not to mention his personal on-line dating profile that profess that he was single. He broke my heart but I did a little snooping before I officially left. I found out that he had a receipt for a house that had her name on it. I memorized the address and kept on stepping.

He said that he needed to think, we could still date, and that she was just a friend. I called the 411 to get the number to the house when his mother let it be known that she meet the “new girl”. I confronted him about it and he had nothing to say. After months of silence, he came back to me in October 2004 professing that he messed up and that he wanted to work on our marriage. After three years of lying to myself that he was changing, I found out that he was still dealing with the other chick. We divorced last July 2007. He remarried in October 2007,and I was devastated.

The first of the year, I started getting phone calls from him to check on how I was doing. We still had some loose strings that we had to clear up. He kept saying that he missed me, wanted to see, and to touch me. I held out for as long as I could. I didn’t have any prospects because I still was in love with him and was trying to heal. I finally agreed to see him, and it has been on ever since. He doesn’t acknowledge that he is married. His wife ( my nemesis) caught a text that I sent about “rocking his mic”. I lied to her saying that it was just a joke and he probably diffuse that shit. Why do I mess around with him? Cause I can, I still have feelings for him, and to get back at chick who thinks she is above me. My eyes have been open to his ways. He is her problem, not mine!




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Brown Sugar

Lives in music, sits down to read like she’s at the Feast of Heaven, enters every room like a queen or a spy, reads faces the way a gypsy reads palms, knows sex the way a nomad knows the desert’s shifting sands, needs laughter to breathe, eats in celebration of taste, works joyously, loves uproariously, smiles insightfully, dreams delightfully.

10 thoughts on “The Mistress Speaks: When the Main Woman Becomes the Other Woman”

  1. Women like that, who have no self respect or dignity, are the reason so many men take advantage of other women. She doesn’t like the fact that the other woman “thinks she’s above” her, so she reduces herself to that level? I have no sympathy for either woman in this case.

  2. I hope this poster read what she wrote and sees how crazy this ish is. Fine he cheated and she left (and for realz, the way I am about money when I found out that mofo bought ANOTHER chick a house with OUR money, ish would have been on and poppin, but that’s just me), but why are you bothered with this man? He don’t mean you or the other woman no good. Believe you deserve better then act on it.

  3. More power to you.

    If this gives you solace, continue it. YOU need to own it, forget what society says. At least you recognize your role and that you are with a man who can not be claimed by one. Things may change? Who knows.
    But it will also be difficult to actually find someone who is all about you while you are all about him.

    Cheers to you all.

  4. just ONE thing…if i was wifey #1 I wouldn’t have lied about the message…just to show HER that she ain’t “above” me….things might have gotten messy…but ppl need to realise that they aint’ higher than the clouds and God above…

  5. Just how stupid can this situation be? This woman went from being wifey, to becoming the side piece?! Hell naw. She let this man reduce her down to nothing, and was still willing to allow him back into her life. She really needed to move on, because it’s obvious that the online broad he was messing with was gonna end up in the same position as wifey #1 was. It’s sad how women can allow foolishness to go on and not put their foot down on that madness. SMH.

  6. I understand where she is coming from because I was in a situation like that (well we weren’t married). I finally realized last year, that I am better than that and I need to get out of the situation, no matter how much I still cared for my ex. It is not right what she is doing.

  7. I can’t stop laughing!! I know its not funny because someone is really going through this…..but do you girl!!
    I’m not here to judge you and quite frankly, I’m not mad at you!!
    DO YOU!!!

  8. Men get away with such BS and we let them. Wake up girls, don’t put up with this crap from anyone. You can always do better, always. Don’t be so scared of being single, it’s not that bad. I have been single by choice since my divorce Dec. 2007. I have three guys begging to be my boyfriend, and I just say no I’m not ready for a relationship yet, I am enjoying my independence to much. The first step in self power is to know yourself, know what you are capable of, never doubt what you know you can do, and never let a man bring you down. Know thy self.

  9. This is not uncommon. One of my best girlfriends is in this situation. She said that she can have him when she needs sexual healing then send him back to his wife. He drove her nuts with all his antics. She always said, ” Better her than me” I don’t this it is a self respect issue. I think people can justified the means…He cheated and lied but have the best of both worlds. The other woman who is the wife think she is all that but she is the one who broke up a marriage. The Wifey who is now the side chick..get to be with the man who she loves but yet is single and doesn’t have to worry about all that stuff that happened in the marriage. At least she has the option to drop the zero, get revenge on the chick who busted up her marriage and get a new man to boot. I ain’t mad at her.

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