So What’s the Real Reason You Aren’t Married?

Black and Married

Why Aren’t You Married?

One lady has taken a very proactive approach to getting married with her site: 52 Weeks to Find My Husband. From her About Me page:

52 weeks 2 Find Him is a social experiment that focuses on a 42 year-old woman’s journey to find her husband. It is an online documentary that is shaped by Neenah’s actions and reactions, along with viewers’ participation. What happens when a woman invites the world to become her dating coach? Each week, we invite you to tune-in and join-in by helping with Neenah’s search, as she explores: the many methods of meeting eligible men, preparing for dates, and maintaining a healthy, romantic relationship.

Now I recognize what she’s doing is extreme, but at least she’s doing something. We can talk all day long about how there are no available black men, how they all date white women and how they are all in jail or on the down low. For me, however, that all sounds like a bunch of excuses. To me, the perceived issues with black men aren’t really the problem. And mind you, I’m not talking about poor, uneducated women here. I’m talking about you well educated, professional sisters who seem to be successful in every aspect of your life other than romantically.

So once again I ask, what’s the real reason you’re single?

For those of you who don’t want to be married and are happily single, I’m not talking about you. I’m talking about women who (in some cases desperately) want to be married or at the very least partnered up…why are you single?

I contend that getting married isn’t that hard to do. Getting a boyfriend definitely isn’t that hard to do. I do know that if you aren’t proactive about either of the above then they become increasingly difficult to do.

My aunt, when she was 60 (she’ll be 67 this month) got married for the second time. She met a man at her pinochle club meeting, dated him, and he proposed. Prior to this she had other relationships, all as an over 40 woman with a daughter in college (she had three other grown daughters) and adopting her niece’s daughter who died in a car accident.

She is overweight, though shapely. She isn’t light-skinned, doesn’t have long her and her eyes are an uninspiring brown. She would best be described as a handsome woman, though she is extra fly. And, as far as I can remember she has always had a man…when she wanted one.

So, if my 67-year-old aunt can be on her second husband and did so while being a single parent to a then tween aged daughter, why are you young, attractive, no children having twenty, thirty and forty-somethings having such a hard time finding, keeping and marrying a man?

Are you dating?
Do you have a life?
Are you waiting for God to bring you a man?


And I think if you’re serious about finding someone in the 09 then you need to answer that question and then you need to do something about it.



Published by

Brown Sugar

Lives in music, sits down to read like she’s at the Feast of Heaven, enters every room like a queen or a spy, reads faces the way a gypsy reads palms, knows sex the way a nomad knows the desert’s shifting sands, needs laughter to breathe, eats in celebration of taste, works joyously, loves uproariously, smiles insightfully, dreams delightfully.

6 thoughts on “So What’s the Real Reason You Aren’t Married?”

  1. Hello there!I read about that woman at another blog and if THAT is what she feels she has to do in order to find someone then that’s her own choice.I personally would not take that approach but everyone can/should make their own decisions about how to go about making their goals happen.Many black women are unpartnered because they fail to understand that “only but a black man” mentality is the VERY REASON why so many of us stay unmarried for most of our lives.The statistics are quite clear…black women outnumber black men in EVERY major city by six to one. Ladies, there WILL NOT be one brotha for every sista. It is a mathematical impossibility.Now that we understand the statistics we realize that we have to expand our options to men of other races. In order to expand our options, we need to become more aware of the norms and expectations that other cultures operate with and NOT assume that what’s okay in the all-black setting will be how everyone is in all settings.I believe that black women can find love but they need to understand that we have to break out of the fantasy and accept some of the reality. We need to become multicultural in our lives. It is not an option.Peace, blessings and DUNAMIS!LisaJust a teeny reminder (smiles)…you can vote for my blog today in The Weblog Awards!!

  2. What’s available for successful black women? When this info came out about the percentage of single black women, did they ask them why they were single? Why should any woman marry a man who can not provide for himself as well as a wife and a family?

    Black women don’t need anymore man-child types of men. If we are mothers we are not trying to raise grown men or further contribute to their nurturing because their mothers are no longer doing it.

    If a lot of black women keep waiting for that Nubian brotha to rescue them they’ll be riding those horses side saddle by themselves. Move on sisters, move on and stop limiting yourselves… who cares what other people think?

  3. LMAO. I agree, which is why I went online. And bay bee. . . Let me tell you. I HAVE MET THE MAN OF MY DREAMS!!!

    It’s no illusion. It’s not a scam. It did not happen overnight, and I not all my matches were datable, but you continue to go at it and in 3 months of serious communication ( I was very selective and only went out with 2 other guys) I met my match. I would recommend online dating to anyone.

    I’m gonna check that site out . . .

  4. why are you asking us to blame ourselves for our situation? Is that going to magically make a man appear for us? It’s like asking a poor person why are they poor, so and so did such and such and they aren’t poor, so what’s wrong with you? Not helpful! I think a lot of us are under the assumption that we control EVERYTHING, and I am of the opinion that there are some things that are in my control and other things that are not. Making the right man I’m to be with come out of the sky isn’t one of those things I control, not to mention whether we will actually fall in love. It just happens or it doesn’t and no amount of “proactivity” can account for the desired result. It’s not like making a cake where all the ingredients are there and boom a cake!

    Actually, it is like baking a cake. I don’t know why folk believe love is some magical phenomenon that hits you out the blue and…POW…you’re in love. Finding Mr. Right is a simple matter of getting out there, making the right moves and being open to the possibilities. Whether or not you marry is something you can control. It’s just a question of if you really want to or not.

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