Saying Only a Black Man for Me, Means You’ll be Alone and Lonely

Interracial Dating Needs

Sometimes Interracial Dating is Necessary

From a reader:

I read about that woman at another blog and if THAT is what she feels she has to do in order to find someone then that’s her own choice.

I personally would not take that approach but everyone can/should make their own decisions about how to go about making their goals happen.

Many black women are unpartnered because they fail to understand that “only but a black man” mentality is the VERY REASON why so many of us stay unmarried for most of our lives.

The statistics are quite clear…black women outnumber black men in EVERY major city by six to one.

Ladies, there WILL NOT be one brotha for every sista. It is a mathematical impossibility.

Now that we understand the statistics we realize that we have to expand our options to men of other races. In order to expand our options, we need to become more aware of the norms and expectations that other cultures operate with and NOT assume that what’s okay in the all-black setting will be how everyone is in all settings.

I believe that black women can find love but they need to understand that we have to break out of the fantasy and accept some of the reality. We need to become multicultural in our lives. It is not an option.

I’m not saying you have to go out and date a white man, but some of ya’ll live in predominantly white neighborhoods, work at predominantly white jobs and only see other black people when you hang out with your friends and go to church and we all know most of the people in pews look like you…but ya’ll are still hollering, “Only a black man for me!”

Come on.


Some of ya’ll really have me scratching my head saying WTF?

Look, there is no need to be a martyr for ‘The Cause.’ You don’t get brownie points for “keeping it real” by not dating out of your race. And some of ya’ll are so far gone that you won’t even date men of the diaspora. Some of ya’ll, when you say black, mean Black American and that eliminates Africans, Haitians, Jamaicans and other men of the diaspora.

I know so many women who sit around and complain about the numbers but then don’t want to do anything about it. So many women I know can run down a litany of reasons why brothers are the worst thing since the Bubonic Plague, yet when you mention the idea of them dating out they look at you like you just suggested they become lesbians.

Get with the program. Keep your options open. Go on a date. And see what happens. As we all know time stops for no man and if you’re sitting around talking about, “only a black man for me,” then you might as well be saying, “I’m going to be alone and lonely.”


Published by

Brown Sugar

Lives in music, sits down to read like she’s at the Feast of Heaven, enters every room like a queen or a spy, reads faces the way a gypsy reads palms, knows sex the way a nomad knows the desert’s shifting sands, needs laughter to breathe, eats in celebration of taste, works joyously, loves uproariously, smiles insightfully, dreams delightfully.

6 thoughts on “Saying Only a Black Man for Me, Means You’ll be Alone and Lonely”

  1. Totally agree. A lot of black women carry around the fact they only want to date black men as some kind of badge of honor or a tribute to their forefathers. Seems misguided.

  2. Hi Tamika! {waves}Wow!Thanks for featuring my comment! I discuss this issue at my blog in the post “Who Even Cares If Broathas Want White Women?” and “Desperately Seeking Wifehood”.It’s time for us to break out of the fantasy bubble.Peace, blessings and DUNAMIS!LisaP.S. You can vote for my blog in The Weblog Awards! I am the only sista in my category and right now am in 5th place in the polls!

  3. Spread the news! The anything but a black man is a waste of time. Move on and open up your options. There is variety of men who are available and willing to date Black women. Why settle when you don’t have to?

    Evia has written another wonderful post highlighting one of the main reasons why we should stop. Basically it’s just good old common sense.

    BWBT has already stated in her wonderful blog about the same thing. Check this out:

    Evia does not miss any points. Many black women need to remove this fake loyalty to men who are not loyal to us, we must realize that our happiness is up to us.

  4. Okay…so as of right now stop loving fish and start loving dolphins. I am a Black women who prefers Black men. One does not just STOP loving one thing to go to another! We are not in Pre-K and it is not that easy. We have our preferences and I am okay with finding Black men sexy and not wanting to be with any other race. It is not a “fake loyalty” that I have. I dont prefer them because of them….I prefer Black men because of what I find sexy and attractive and comfortable.

    Yes, I am single…no, I am not married…no, I don’t have any children….and yes, I am over 30. I am not waiting for that perfect Black man…they don’t exist. I am paying my mortgage, taking care of myself, travelling, and working hard. I am keeping my eyes open for the Black man that is perfect for me. When the time is right…if that is God’s plan, then what will be, will be.

    I don’t have a problem with Black women dating men of other races…that is their preference and it is okay for THEM. I’s just not for me.

  5. While this makes mathematical sense, we are talking about dating outside our race as if dating happens in a bubble completely determined by us. In other words:the man of the other race has to agree to dating you. Out of all women, black women are the most highly demonized sexually. We are portrayed by popular media as either overtly sexualized or not feminized at all.
    Many of us are not the “ideal” female i.e. fair skinned, straight, long hair, thin waifs who are subdued, submissive, or all around subordinate. We’re bodacious bold and beautiful in a very different way than most..even asian women and hispanic women can assimilate into the european standard of beauty. Men of other cultures would have an easier time dating these types of women.
    So, the question now becomes: Is dating black men strictly a an option, or the only choice we have?

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