I have a pet peeve.
Men who believe that they should have a “dime” yet only amount to a nickel themselves and then these same men sit around and call all women gold diggers and complain how women won’t “give a good brother a try.”
See, the problem with this scenario is this: too many men believe a woman should lower her standards (whatever they may be) to be with them. This is especially true if the man doing the complaining is gainfully employed, college educated, has no kids and Black, but may not be bringing in doctor, lawyer, athlete, mogul money.
Now in fairness, all these men aren’t “nickels,” some are actually very good catches, but because they want the tens and twelves they aren’t paying attention to the sevens and eights.
Case in point:
I have a friend who I love dearly but he’s stuck in this land where he believes he should have a Beyonce or Halle Berry even though he isn’t Jay-Z or Gabriel Aubrey. Now mind you he is attractive, funny and talented and even though he was recently laid off (company relocated to Canada) he still has women, plenty of attractive, successful women who are looking to spend time with him, understand his situation and would have zero issues being his lady.
However, he always declines.
He says they aren’t his “physical ideal.”
He wants drop dead gorgeous.
Finally one day I said, “Stop going after women you can’t afford.”
He didn’t like that too much.
Then he proceeded to rant and rave about how women in New York won’t give a brother a shot and they only care about how much he makes, yadda, yadda, yadda.
So, me being the loving friend that I am, pointed out some very basic truths on how the world works,
“Beauty is a commodity. Women trade on it to marry the biggest fish they can catch. Women who spend their time and energy maintaining their looks are looking for someone who can afford to keep up their very expensive beauty regime. That shit ain’t cheap. No matter how great a guy you are, you can’t do that. SO why don’t you stop beating your head up against a brick wall and go after the woman you can afford and the ones who like you for who you are right now?”
He didn’t hear any of that.
Well he did, but he didn’t want to hear it.
Instead he talked about how he was going to hold out for his “ideal.”
You can guess how well that’s working for him.
And this is my problem with so many men I know: these men believe they are entitled to extraordinary women while being rather ordinary themselves and then want to complain about it, saying it’s the woman’s fault for not being able to see their value.
Right.
Newsflash: instead of calling the women you can’t afford golddiggers…how about you do what it takes to get the woman of your dreams…or date the women you can afford. This is not rocket science.
While there are plenty of men out there who don’t get it, there are others who do. Another homeboy of mine had a completely different take on the situation.
“I’m going to be rich and famous so I can date groupies,” he said.
“Why would you want to date groupies?”
“Because they are the best looking women out there. They keep themselves up because they are looking for ballers. You don’t have to worry about them getting fat ’cause they know they can be replaced and they will cater to all your needs ’cause they know if they don’t you will find someone who will.”
“Okay,” I said, “Makes sense.”
And it did.
Now you may think my homeboy is shallow, and that’s fine, I do too, but at least he’s not sitting around complaining that the hot girls he wants don’t want him and won’t give a broke college student a chance though he is a “good brotha.”
He understands something very basic: If you want the hot girl, you need to have hot girl money.
Simple.
So note to the fellas: Stop chasing women you can’t afford. You want the dimes you need to have dime money. If you don’t, there are plenty of attractive women who will want you for where you are right now. You don’t do yourself any favors by chasing some unattainable ideal. And in the end, you keep passing up perfectly good women for some chick who isn’t gonna pay you any attention…you will end up alone.
Take a cue from the ladies: women know where they fall on the attractiveness scale and they act acordingly.
Just a thought.
I haven’t read Harvey’s latest book, Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man, which is apparently a treatise for all us young and single gals who are out and about looking for love. I’ve heard Harvey speak on relationship topics before and his advice usually consists in some form of, “keep your panties on, be docile and submissive, but have your own ish ’cause no man is looking to take care of you.” Or something along those lines.
