Thomas Jones, the football player and Meagan Good’s boyfriend talks love and relationships with Essence.com. You can  Read the rest of the interview for more insight into his life and upbringing:

ESSENCE.COM: With such a busy schedule, how do you make your relationship with Meagan [Good] work?

JONES: I look at it as something I want to do, and we take it one day at a time. I don’t look at it like it’s work. The reality is I work in New York and she works in L.A., but we are fortunate we have jobs where it’s flexible. I’m in New York for five months of the year and the other time I am wherever she is. To me, it’s what you make it. I’ve never seen myself as a celebrity, which is probably because I’m from a small town. I’m just blessed I get to do something I love to do. She’s the same way, and really humble. We may be at the mall or the movies, and people will say what are y’all doing here. We’re doing the same thing everyone else does.

ESSENCE.COM: And being in a relationship, how is it dealing with groupies who have their eyes set on a snagging an athlete?

JONES: It’s tough. A lot of things men do is for women, from wanting nice bodies to jewelry. So when you are in a situation where plenty of women are around you, it’s tempting. But if guys look at the big picture as a whole, it would be easier to make decisions. I’ve been blessed to make it through a lot of situations. Anything I’m doing, if [Megan's] not there, she knows. Period.

ESSENCE.COM: Good to hear. So what are thoughts for Black women when it comes to love?

JONES: Don’t expect something you aren’t working towards. Don’t look for a man to respect you when you don’t respect yourself. Everything you do eventually will come back, though it might not happen when you expect. You have to work on you. People say they want a good guy or have been praying, and a lot of time God gives you that time to work on yourself. That way when you do find him, you’re ready. A lot of times, somebody will come across your path, and you’re not ready for that, or you’re looking for something else, and it’s right in front of you.

ewsrpw46mn

In Tell him to “Put a Ring  On It” I briefly mentioned the need to date marriage minded men if marriage is your goal.

This should be a no brainer when you’ve decided that you want more than a casual relationship, but for too many of us it’s not. Somehow we meet a guy, think he’s great and decide to ignore the fact that he said, “Well, I’m not looking for anything serious right now.”

Then we act all surprised when not only won’t he “put a ring on it,” he won’t “put a title on it,” either.

It’s time we stop with the insanity. Brandon St. Randy had a post up talking about the Indian way of marriage, where arranged marriages are still the norm and the more “progressive” dating process involves folk dating a few months before they walk down the aisle (or around the fire).

While I’m not sure full on arranged marriages are the way to go, I do believe there is a happy medium between arranged marriages and the western style of dating that will have you dating someone for years and still not sure if they’re the one for you.

The only point of dating is to find your future spouse. Not to end up in a perpetual pseudo marriage, only to have it end in heartbreak and pain when it doesn’t work out and then to start all over again. Honestly, if you’re a woman over 25 who wants to be married and have kids, then you should be dating with a purpose and not wasting your time on anyone who isn’t on the same page you’re on.

You have to be  mercenary when dating, eliminating men on the first date who don’t meet your standards, share your values or goals.

Throw the “normal” dating rule out of the window.

Ask all of the “rude” first date questions on a first date.

If he isn’t giving the answers you’re looking for, then keep it moving. You don’t have time to waste on a guy who doesn’t want the same things you want. I guarantee when you give your daatng a purpose you will feel so liberated. You will alleviate the stress associated with dating, guessing whether a man is into you or not, and waiting for him to decide your future for you.

And that’s an important point. Too often we let men determine the pace and future of our relationship lives. We wait for him to choose us as a potential date, girlfriend, wife. This can lead to disastrous results as some women spend years, decades even with men who have no intentions of proposing, even though they desperately want to be wife.

If you take control of your dating life by only dating marriage minded men then you eliminate all of this waiting around, hoping and praying for him to chose you. You all will choose each other and the relationship will be that much stronger for it.

Next Up: Brown Sugar’s Mercenary Dating Guide