Real Talk on Interracial Dating From Someone Who Doesn’t Hate Black Men

Interracial Dating Tips & Advice

There’s a lot of hate in the blogsphere directed toward black men and a lot of bullshit, uninformed dialogue when it comes to interracial dating, often coming from the same sources. Too many of the IR dating sites hold white men up as the example of all that’s right with men and black men of all that’s wrong with them.

In convincing black women about their options, it becomes a non-stop dialogue on how black men are the scourge of the earth and how they don’t care about black women, etc. I don’t like it when black men justify their dating white (or other women) by disparaging black women and I can’t stand it when black women do the same to black men. So here’s my take on interracial relationships without all of the hate black men talk:

1. I’ve talked about interracial dating several times on this blog.

The one point I’ve made before and will continue to make is dating is a numbers game. You increase your chances of finding “the one” by dating as many people as you can. If you’re a black woman living and working in a predominantly white environment you’re a damn fool not to be dating white men. I’ve read stories where black women admit to only meeting 2 or 3 eligible black men a year yet they keep saying, “only a black man for me.” I say okay, but don’t be surprised if you end up alone and lonely.

2. Familial and Societal pressure are big issues on both sides of the coin.

In my own experience with interracial dating family was an issue. Not mine. His. When I was a teenager the (absolutely gorgeous) white boy I was dating sent him to his youth pastor to explain to him that dating “other” women were Solomon’s downfall. No lie. I couldn’t make this ish up. In my more adult years I’d find out months, years later that said white guy was interested in me but didn’t really know what to do about that. For many white men (and black women) dating is one thing, marriage is another.

Also, From a friend family perspective, the pressure can be unbearable. No, I’m not saying it’s a white thing…black parents/friends can be the same way. But if we were to be honest about this topic then we’d acknowledge that women of ALL races are pressured to marry the men from their group. That’s not black women being “indoctrinated” it’s the patriarchy doing what the patriarchy does best: regulating the sexual behavior of its women. And

And upper-class white men have pressures related to their social standing and possible inheritance that come into play when it comes to marrying black women. There are several high profile WM/BW marriages where the men admit that their families were solidly against the union and the threats of being disowned were seriously bantered about. Similar pressure can be found in the middle classes as well, on both sides. There’s no since in discounting the pervasiveness of this issue.

3. This is very much a class issue.

Like most discussions surrounding social issues in the black community, interracial dating is a class issue. There are women of a certain class who are in a better position to meet and marry white men than others. Most black women live in and socialize in all black or majority black environments. The men they meet are primarily going to be from the same class and social background they are from. There’s just not a lot of interaction going on between black women and white men on a daily basis for many of the lower and middle classes. You can’t date someone you don’t meet.

4. This is very much a cultural issue.

No black people don’t have the same culture. Nor do white people. But there are some dating norms that tend to be common among groups based on class, culture and social standing. For example black men (in general) tend to be much more aggressive than their white counterparts. From my experience if a black man wants to talk to you, you will know. He will ask for your name and number anytime, anyplace under any circumstances, even if it means he has to park his car and attempt to catch up with you on the sidewalk.

My experience with white men has been completely different. I’ve learned that if a white guy is chatting me up, there’s a good chance I’m being hit on. Usually, it starts with a “hello,” that leads into a conversation, then after ten to fifteen minutes (assuming I’ve shown interest) he will say, “Would you like to get a drink some time,” or will hand me his business card and tell me to call him or both.

However, if you give the guy attitude because he said hello or you weren’t open or particularly friendly to his attempts to strike up a conversation, there’s a good chance he will assume you’re not interested in him. And rightfully so. With (many) black men you can throw a little attitude their way and they’ll take it as a challenge. “Why are you being so mean?” is something I’ve heard on more than one occasion with a guy who saw my standoffishness as an obstacle to overcome and not as a sign that I’m not interested.

5. Attractiveness is a real issue.

Yes, there are plenty of white men who find black women attractive and vice versa. But due to beauty standards perpetuated by each group, there are plenty who don’t find the other attractive. I for one don’t really find white men attractive. There are exceptions to this rule, but for the most part, I just don’t regularly see white men and think, “Hey I want to talk to him.” The white men or white skinned men I find attractive tend to be dark (Italians, Greeks, Jews, Persians) and not of the Anglican variety. There

There are a host of other issues that affect attractiveness such as the negative value placed on African features here in the states; the hyper-masculine African-American culture that can perceive less aggressive men as being effete; the very different standards of beauty for black and white women. I’m making generalizations here, but you get the point. To believe the issues surrounding the lack of WM/BW couples are so well…black and white…is absurd at least and completely ignorant at best.

In the end, the focus needs to be on dating QUALITY men. The race/ethnicity of the man is irrelevant. That’s a personal choice and best left to the individual. And for the record BW/WM interracial relationships are nothing new. There are plenty of high-profile examples of such unions and their offspring. So if you’re dating white men ’cause you think black men ain’t shit and are, “damaged beyond repair,” then perhaps you need to fix whatever unresolved man issues you have before you date any man black, white or otherwise.

Looking for a Husband? Date Marriage Minded Men

Date Marriage Minded Men

In Tell him to “Put a Ring On It” I briefly mentioned the need to date marriage minded men if marriage is your goal.

This should be a no-brainer when you’ve decided that you want more than a casual relationship, but for too many of us it’s not. Somehow we meet a guy, think he’s great and decide to ignore the fact that he said, “Well, I’m not looking for anything serious right now.”

Then we act all surprised when not only won’t he “put a ring on it,” he won’t “put a title on it,” either.

It’s time we stop with the insanity. Brandon St. Randy had a post up talking about the Indian way of marriage, where arranged marriages are still the norm and the more “progressive” dating process involves folk dating a few months before they walk down the aisle (or around the fire).

While I’m not sure full on arranged marriages are the way to go, I do believe there is a happy medium between arranged marriages and the western style of dating that will have you dating someone for years and still not sure if they’re the one for you.

The only point of dating is to find your future spouse. Not to end up in a perpetual pseudo marriage, only to have it end in heartbreak and pain when it doesn’t work out and then to start all over again. Honestly, if you’re a woman over 25 who wants to be married and have kids, then you should be dating with a purpose and not wasting your time on anyone who isn’t on the same page you’re on.

You have to be mercenary when dating, eliminating men on the first date who don’t meet your standards, share your values or goals.

Throw the “normal” dating rule out of the window.

Ask all of the “rude” first date questions on a first date.

If he isn’t giving the answers you’re looking for, then keep it moving. You don’t have time to waste on a guy who doesn’t want the same things you want. I guarantee when you give your dating a purpose you will feel so liberated. You will alleviate the stress associated with dating, guessing whether a man is into you or not, and waiting for him to decide your future for you.

And that’s an important point. Too often we let men determine the pace and future of our relationship lives. We wait for him to choose us as a potential date, girlfriend, wife. This can lead to disastrous results as some women spend years, decades even with men who have no intentions of proposing, even though they desperately want to be wife.

If you take control of your dating life by only dating marriage minded men then you eliminate all of this waiting around, hoping and praying for him to chose you. You all will choose each other and the relationship will be that much stronger for it.

Side Effects of Adultery: Slashed Tires, Hot Grits and Death

Adultery Has Consequences

*Announcers Voice*

Feeling lonely in your marriage?

Have things just become boring an predictable?

Is your spouse just not giving it to you the way they used to?

Well talk to your doctor about Adultery.

Adultery has been proven to alleviate many of the pains associated with a boring and predictable marriage. You will be able to find that spark for life again and experience the fun, newness, and excitement you had in your relationships before you were married.

You should only take Adultery a few times a year.

You should consult your doctor before you take Adultery to ensure you are healthy enough to begin the medication.

Tell your doctor right away If you experience any itching, burning or unexplained breakouts while taking Adultery.

Side effects may include: destroying your family, hurting your kids, jail time, loss of career, STD’s, hot grits, slashed tires, keyed cars, bleached wardrobes, burnt homes, potash, bodily harm and death

Adultery may be the answer you are looking for all of your marital woes.

Ask your doctor about Adultery.

*End announcers voice*

Funny huh?

In the aftermath of the tragedy that was Steve McNair it seems many men folk have forgotten how serious adultery/cheating/playing with folks emotions really is. Men, more so then the ladies, put all the blame for what happened on Kazemi – the delusional chick who offed herself and McNair. They seem to believe that the tragedy lies solely on her shoulders.

I’m sorry to disappoint the fellas (and some of the ladies) put Kazemi isn’t even the main person to blame for this horror.

This tragedy comes in two parts and had McNair remembered that one of the consequences to adultery is death, maybe he’d still be alive today.

We seem to forget that this type of crime happens so often it’s given a name – a crime of passion.

Not only is it given a name, but a look at pop culture can easily reveal how common retribution by a spurned lover is. From Fatal Attraction to Jazmine Sullivan, our various forms of entertainment are chalk full of examples of the high price people pay for playing around on their significant others.

To those who don’t get it, and seem to think Steve McNair couldn’t have seem this coming, I will make it as clear for you as I can: Remember Al Green and those hot grits?

Nuff said.

And while Rev. Green may not have died, I’m pretty sure most people who read this blog don’t have to delve too far in their lives or their friends and families lives to find tales of a jilted lover/spouse that exacted their revenge with a bullet, knife or some deadly fisticuffs.

Does it happen in all cases of adultery? No.

Does it happen in the majority of cases of adultery? No.

Does it happen often enough that it is a foreseeable consequence of adultery? Yes.

Just like all drug users don’t die, all adulterers won’t die, but it doesn’t mean that death isn’t a real consequence of drug use and adultery.

Folk need to think about those consequences long and hard before dipping their pens in someone else’s inkwell (or opening their inkwells to other folk’s pens).

Maybe if they did we wouldn’t have to hear about these type of tragedies that impact not just the adulterer and the murderer, but also the families they leave behind.

Can We Stop With the Blue Collar Men Worship

Blue Collar Men Aren’t Saviors

Can we stop with the blue collar man worship please?

Just because a man works with his hands does not mean he’s more enlightened, steadfast, kinder, gentler, will make a better husband, father or that somehow he automatically qualifies as being a “good” man than those who have white collar jobs.

Blue collar men are like any other men: there are good ones, bad ones and those who fall in between.

Any time dating and marriage in the black community comes up there are women (and men) hollering how if black women just would look at these blue collar men then all of our dating woes would be over. That we’re too busy not looking at what’s important in life an don’t know a “good” man when we see one.

Really?

I wonder how many of these women making these comments actually date or are married to blue collar men?

Can we stop pretending like the working class lifestyle is the bees knees?

That that is what all of us over educated women should aspire too?

And yes – some – blue collar men make “good money” (as the argument goes) but unions aren’t what they used to be and it’s not all about dollars, but about shared values, interests and life experiences.

No one is knocking blue collar men. Date and marry a blue collar man if you like, but just because some women don’t want to marry blue collar men doesn’t mean they don’t know what a “good man” is. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, it’s not about finding any good man, but about finding the right good man for you.

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Sorry, but a College Educated Man is a Must When It Comes to Marriage

A College Educated Man Is A Must

So today Belle, over at a Belle in Brookly had a post about settling when it comes to relationships and marriage:

Would you settle? Have you? Is there a difference between settling and compromise? If so, what is it?
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I think about it all the time.
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Years ago, I read a quote somewhere that went, “whenever you settle, you always get less than you settled for.”

As the conversation progressed many women (myself included) said the differences between compromising and settling is that you decide what your deal breakers are and then don’t budge on them. Those things that are most important to you aren’t things you can compromise on ’cause then you’re settling.

When I mentioned that a deal breaker for me was lack of a college educated…I was immediately called shallow…and Belle’s comment to me summed up what many of the men and women felt about my deal breaker:

…your qualifications about a degree are shallow. (sorry to be blunt, but I’m typing in a hurry.) I’m not saying go find a man who doesn’t read. I’m saying that degrees don’t have a sense of humor or investigate bumps in the night, or bring you soup when you’re sick or keep the bed warm. It’s a piece of paper not a character trait. If the piece of paper is more important than any of that, God bless you and good night. Oh, and there are a lot of dumb people with degrees who don’t read or watch the news. I don’t say this to get at you in any kind of way. I just [dont] want the younger women reading to think that makes any kind of sense.

Shallow?

‘Cause i expect a man to be college educated?

Right.

Here was my response:

LOL
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Black American women are the only women I know who can say with a straight face that a man NOT being college educated is shallow and shouldn’t be a deal breaker.
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The only ones.
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I’m convinced it’s because younger generations of black women have been conditioned to expect less from brothers. It never fails that I get such a venomous reaction when I say I expect a man to be college educated.
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“I’m saying that degrees don’t have a sense of humor or investigate bumps in the night, or bring you soup when you’re sick or keep the bed warm.”‘
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I never said they did. I just said it was a deal breaker for me.
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And no it’s not shallow. I value education for education’s sake. Not out of some sense of money and success, even though there is a high correlation between the two…anyone can Google the studies and see for yourself.
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All men who go to college aren’t intelligent – no joke – but I don’t date them.
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I date brilliant, highly intelligent and/or talented, ambitious men, I haven’t met one yet who didn’t have at least a bachelors.
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There isn’t a single man in my group of friends and extended peer group who doesn’t have At Least a bachelors and most have advanced and/or professional degrees. Not One. And my circle of people are 99% black.
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Take a poll of the fortune 500 or 100 all of our Presidents and most anyone with a professional career of any sort (hell many policemen and firemen too) and then come back and tell me how being college educated isn’t important and is merely a shallow requirement.
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If all you want is someone who has a “sense of humor or investigate bumps in the night, or bring[s] you soup when you’re sick or keep the bed warm.”
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Then by all means don’t consider his level of education.
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But i require much more than that in a serious relationship…and a man who poo poo’s at furthering his education isn’t going to give it to me.
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Sorry
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And note to the young women on the board, my advice remains the same: Know what are deal breakers for YOU and then make your choices in men. Don’t decide on what’s a deal breaker based on what other people think…’cause then you’d be settling.

And I stand by what I said. For me, being college educated is about shared values. I will be John Brown if I marry a man and he says to our children, “Oh daddy didn’t go to college and I’m successful so you don’t above to go either.”

That would make me slap him and any child who thought that was a good idea.

It’s funny to me ’cause most of the women I hear saying a college education doesn’t matter are college educated themselves. Often this “he doesn’t have to have a degree” mind set seems to be perpetuated by women who feel like they should, “give a brother a chance,” and understand how hard it is for a black man to make it or feel like they’re shutting off the number of available of black men they have to choose from for marriage if they insist he has a college degree.

That kind of thinking comes from a place of fear and sets you up to actually settle and be unhappy in whatever marriage you have. I don’t know about anybody else, but I’m not looking for any good man, but the right good man for me and nine times out of ten that’s going to require a college education.

Why Marriage is a Bad Deal for Women

Marraige Bad Deal for Women

Marriage A Bad Deal For Women

I fundamentally believe marriage is a bad deal for women.

Ultimately when it comes to Holy Matrimony women get the short end of the stick and if the divorce rates are any indication (75% of divorces are initiated by women) then I’m not alone in thinking this. The main reason why divorce is horrible for women is that the institution hasn’t changed much from the times when women were viewed as property of first their fathers and then their husbands.

Nowadays (many) men still have the expectation that their wives will still be June Cleaver (Homemakers for those who don’t get the Leave It to Beaver reference) and they will be providers and protectors. However, women are also taking on those roles as well, but still expected to do their “wifely” duties. Basically with the aid of the Women’s Movement, women took on more responsibility and didn’t get much in return.

At least under the old system it was understood that women took care of home and men made the money to care for the family. Not always the ideal situation for women, but at least a more equitable distribution of labor and responsibility. Now many men balk at the idea of a stay at home wife and have every expectation that their wives contribute to the bills and still manage to throw down in the kitchen, take care of the kids (and him) and still do gymnastics in the bedroom.

Really?

Really, Really?

Too many men I meet expect their women to be like their over worked mommas and grandmamas who’s only thought was taking care of home and her dependents (including her husband). Well, I’m sorry to disappoint, but I’m no mule. If a man wants a maid (or his momma) then he needs to hire won or better yet, marry her. I refuse to be run ragged made to beleive that a real woman can juggle home, marriage, career and kids and do it all with a smile and in three inch heels. That’s a fantasy, a bill of goods, a lie that “modern” women have been fed over the years and somehow have swallowed as truth. And if more women were honest with themselves they’d know it was a lie too.

The other deal with me and marriage is that too many women I know seem to lose their identity once they say “I do.” They become wives and mothers but self seems to get lost along the way. Also many women become shells of their former vibrant, intelligent selves. Not always, but often. I know several happy marriages and those couples tend to fall into one of two categories, which also happens to be the only times I believe marriage is worthwhile for a woman:

1. The man makes enough money to care for the family only on his income. Whether the wife is working or not she knows that she and the kids will be well taken care of. If she is working then her income goes to savings, help pay down debt, vacations, etc. The point is it won’t take two incomes to live comfortably and their will be sufficient funds to outsource housework (i.e. get a maid) if need be, freeing up time to be with each other and the kids.

2. A true egalitarian relationship. I know some marriages that are true partnerships. They are equally involved in making their lives together work. There is no “His” and “Her” work, the husbands do as much housework and child rearing as their wives. They work out the bills in a way that works well for them and because no one spouse is being overworked they still have plenty of time for each other.

I know many folk who balk at one and while many people hope for two that is rarely how it works out. I’ve seen enough marriages through friends and family across socio-economic lines to know that many “typical’ marriages mean a lot of work for women with too few benefits. And please don’t talk to me about love and companionship because those can happen without a ring and too often seem to last longer when you don’t say “I do.”

I think too often, we as women idealize marriage and make it about what we hope it to be instead of what it really is. I think many women should probably take a hard look at the institution before they dive in and make sure that what they want and are expecting to get out of marriage is really what they are going to get. Like I said, 75% of divorces are initiated by women, so there is something about marriage that’s not working for the fairer sex, a fact no one really talks about when we focus so much on getting that ring.

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Sleep With the Thug, Marry the Good Guy

You Sex The Bad Boy Not Marry Him

Songs like this make me want to slap whoever writes them. Unfortunately too many women practice this kind of garbage. There’s a very simple rule to live by: You sleep with the thug. You marry the good guy.

And no, before anybody starts fussin’ I don’t literally mean a thug, I just mean a playboy, bad boy or however you want to refer to those men you know you have no business being with, though the sex may be good.

The lyrics are telling:

If I could… could forget him
I would… please believe me
And I know that I should throw the towel in
But baby it’s not… not that easy
You treat me so much better than him
And if I was sane there’d be no competition
But… but I’m in love with someone else
And I’m so sorry
I’m in love with another man
And I know it aint right

I can’t explain why it’s him and not you
But at the end of the day baby I just don’t want to
Cause he aint no doctor
And we always seem to fight, he got the perfect body
And sometimes he don’t even treat me right
Oh but when I’m with him, but when I’m with him
When I’m with him, aint nobody else like it
I’m so sorry baby that I have to do this to you
But I can’t go on pretending…
Cause I love him, I love him
And I’m so sorry… do you hear me?

Who the hell leaves a doctor for some guy who doesn’t treat you right, you argue with, and isn’t going anywhere? What…because you love him…yeah…okay. That isn’t love Sullivan is singing about. That’s lust mixed with a healthy dose of stupidity.

The kind of “love” Sullivan is singing about will have you knocked up, alone, with an STD while your man is off “loving” someone else. No woman in her right mind leaves the man who has been good to her, taken good care of her, is looking to marry her for the guy who the only thing he has to offer is that he has the “perfect body” and can blow your back out.

The difference between being a grown woman and still thinking like a child is knowing everything that looks good (or feels good) to you ain’t good for you. If you’re thinking long term then you know Mr. Dependable always wins out over Mr. Feel Good. As a matter of fact it wouldn’t even be a competition.

Grown women know, even if you sleep with the thug, you don’t break up with the good guy. You get thug-boy out your system and you marry your man. While I don’t advocate cheating, I advocate stupidity even less. To any woman who would find herself in this situation I’d say: Grow the hell up. Your future is worth more than a good lay.

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Turns Out, You Should Tell Him to “Put a Ring On It”

Tell Him To Put A Ring On It

Last week we learned about the six guidelines for women to get married according to John T. Molloy and the research he conducted for his book, Why Men Marry Some Men and Not Others. That post focused on guideline 5: Keep in shape, watch your weight, and take care of your appearance.

This week I’m focusing on the #1 guideline women need to follow if they want to get married and that is to “insist on it.” Turns out, you have to tell the guy to “put a ring on it,” or it’s just not going to happen. When

When Mollow looked at men who had dated a woman for years and didn’t marry her and then turned around and married the next woman he dated after a very short amount of time, the difference was that the second woman made the guy commit early on in the relationship. She put it on the table that being with her meant marriage and after a designated period of time if he wasn’t proposing, she was walking.

Molloy readily recommends women being up front with their expectation of marriage, setting a date for the commitment to happen and then walking if it doesn’t:

If you meet a man who has had a long-term relationship, make it clear to him that if he dates you for a certain length of time, you’ll expect a ring. If he doesn’t understand that, you haven’t done your job. Don’t think his affirmative response to such a declaration is a precursor to his making a commitment. He’s strung many women along, and he may try it with you. If after six months you don’t have a firm commitment, leave.

Time is not on your side in the marriage lottery and Mollow stresses time and time again that wasting your time in a going nowhere relationship or with a man who isn’t looking to get married is marital suicide. Don’t do it to yourself. There’s no shame in leting your sgnificant other know that, “look, being with me means marriage.” If he balks at the idea then you know you need to keep it stepping and send him packing. To quote Beyonce: If you liked it then you should have put a ring on it.

3 Reasons Why Marriage Isn’t the Answer

Marriage Doesn’t Automatically Fix Anything

Contrary to popular belief, marriage is not a panacea. Conventional wisdom dictates that if women just married and stopped having all of those out of wedlock kids, the black community would be okay. Problems solved or at least on the way to being solved. The problem with this way of thinking is it overlooks some very basic facts:

1. Lack of marriage isn’t the problem – Lack of economic opportunity is

What comes first: marriage or a job? The answer is: a job. There are large swaths of the black community, black males in particular, that are chronically underemployed or unemployed. The reasons behind this chronic unemployment is best left for another blog post, but the results are these men aren’t marriage material. Women won’t marry men who can’t hold down a well-paying job and by well-paying I mean above minimum wage. The greatest factor on whether a lower class/working class woman will marry her child’s father is if he has a job that will bring in a middle-class income.

Now you may argue why are women having babies from men who aren’t marriageable, they should just keep their legs closed and hold out for better. The reality however is that people meet, date and marry within their socioeconomic class. If these women weren’t dating and mating with these men who would they date and mate with? Are we going to suggest that a certain class of women (which make u the bulk of the black community) should not have children…ever? Are we going to penalize women because the many men in their class tier aren’t husband and/or father material?

2. Partnering while poor is difficult and doesn’t prevent your children from suffering the same ills as their out of wedlock peers

This is the one no one talks about when their touting the need for marriage in the black community. Kids who are born to poor married parents suffer the exact same ills as those kids who are born out of wedlock. If marriage was such an an inoculation to issues such as dropping out of high school and teen pregnancy than kids who were born poor, but to married families, would do better than their single parent counterparts. The reality is they don’t. The reason being it’s their socioeconomic status is the problem not their marital status.

Not only that, but marriages among the poor/working class have a much higher divorce rate than other socioeconomic brackets. Partnering while poor is difficult. The constant stress of money takes its toll on the marriage. So even if you do marry, have your child, there is greater likelihood that you will be divorced and end up as a single parent anyway. No one seems to talk about that aspect of marriage. People do divorce…then you’re a single parent…now what?

3. Among college-educated women who are working less than 10% of them live in poverty

The best thing that can be done for a low-income woman is not to have her marry her baby daddy, but to increase here earning potential through education and job training. Marriage to a low-income man does nothing to boost her lot in life, but can add stress and possible domestic violence issues because of the stress of having little money has on the marriage. However, education and job training greatly increases the likelihood she can create a better life for herself, her children and by moving up the socioeconomic ladder also increases the likelihood she can meet a marry a qualified partner.

So, as you can see, marriage really isn’t the answer, at least when it is not accompanied by economic stability. Saying “I do” is no guarantee that your kids are going to grow up and live happy healthy, middle-class lives. To really get marriage back on track, particularly in the lower classes you’d have to fix the economic problems first and then and only then can you begin to tackle the other issues that hamper marriage in the black community.

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The Mistress Speaks: I’m the Product of an Affair

Stories of Mistresses: I’m a Product of an Affair

Here is the final installment of our The Mistress Speaks series. The following is a story that was sent to me, unchanged, except for removing any identifying information. Enjoy!

I think neither one wins – being a side piece is never good and when it all balls down, the woman always thinks he will leave his man squeeze for her. They think they have the magic coochie – which is far from the truth. usually the other woman does everything the man doesn’t want his main chick to do. Yeah, the man chick my have his heart, but she doesn’t have his respect. I’m product of my mother being the other woman.

After my father got finish doing what he wanted with my mother, he left and never came back. My mother was left looking stupid and raising me on her own. I asked her, what did you think, by having me he would stay? She never answer, but I believe she thought she had something special and he would leave his wife and two kids for her. NOT!!

I disagree with my mother all the time, her favorite comment is a man will have many girlfriends but will only take one wife. I think that is so crazy and woman that believe that, doesn’t believe they are worthy of being the only one – they feel they have to lower their standards to have a man. I think NOT! I rather be alone and happy then be with someone who strays every now and then – turns around and buy expensive things for me to keep me happy.

Tiny is only dealing with TI because has money and she has nothing. What really bothers me the most is that she has not self-respect for herself that she will allow this man to go into her raw and have his kids, no dag on well, he is sleeping around. Condom or NOT, AIDS IS REAL!!What are you teaching your daughter and your sons. No one wins, the only one that wins, if the one that will not tolerate men cheating on them constantly and thinks it’s okay.