In the book Why Men Marry Some Women and Not Others Dr. John T. Molloy interviewed over 3,000 men trying to figure out what made men marry and the type of women they married when they finally said “I do.” From those interviews he came up with six basic guidelines to help women get married. The 5th most imporatnt thing a woamn could do to increase her chances of marriage was: Keep in shape, watch your weight and take care of your appearance.
In other words, fat chicks have a harder time in the marriage market than the rest of us.
For black women this is an important guideline they need to understand and embrace. According to the CDC 51.1% of African-American women over the age of 20 are obese another 33.7% over the age of 18 are considered overweight, but not obese. So many of us of marriageable age are not keeping in shape, watching our weight and taking care of our appearance.
So often when we talk about why black men aren’t marrying, rarely do we look at reasons why they might not want to marry us. We almost always project outward: they’re marrying white women, they have issues with very successful women, they’re in jail, they’re uneducated, etc. And yes, while those are real issues, rarely does all the blame lie with one party. If we are serious about getting married, we also need to look at the things we’re doing wrong that are contributing to our singleness. Unfortunately, our lack of taking care of ourselves is a big one.
Let’s face it…no mater how we try to spin it…men don’t want big girls. It’s high time we stop pretending that being grossly overweight is attractive and that being “thick” means Monique and not Beyonce. There is no shame in taking care of ourselves. Contrary to popular belief it’s not only something white women do. If this is the year you’re serious about finding your future husband, skip the relationship books and hit the gym instead. Not only will you lose the weight, but you might find him working out next to you. Talk about killing two birds with one stone.
It should be alright considering the average American woman is a size 14, which is considered plus size.
Well, if a size 12 will not get a man, then I guess I will never be married.
LOL. Ima thinking size 12 might be alright.
[...] Last week we learned about the six guidelines for women to get married according to John T. Molloy and the research he conducted for his book, Why Men Marry Some Men and Not Others. That post focused on guideline 5: Keep in shape, watch your weight, and take care of your appearance. [...]
This is a great post.
I will disagree with the whole deeper issue problem raised above about being overweight. Not everyone can look like a super-model, genes, lifestyles, height…whatever. And I will also go to disagree about loving You for You.
I mean, yes, we will love a good woman. At the same time, I find it rediculous to assume that an unknown man will approach an unknown female, or feel comfortable when the female approaches him, if he isnt initially attracted to her…it doesnt matter how sweet she is.
Lose the weight. GO TO THE GYM. Train for a run, join a club. There are so many outlets. I have found that a great way to get closer to the woman I am courting is for both of us to train for a pending triathlon. Although I live overseas 80% of the year, that is something that keeps us in shape, competitive, and attractive to each other.
There is always someone to love someone else…but you open the pool of applicants when you are fit(er).
Ok, I can understand losing weight for health reasons, but to find a man to marry? I figure this: if he can’t love you for YOU, he ain’t the one for YOU. I know there are men out there that like big girls or “thick” girls, but I must say that there are too many men whom are being picky about a woman’s appearance when a good percentage of them aren’t so fit themselves. Beggars can’t be choosy! If a man wants a woman whose in shape and decked out like a diva at all times, he better step his game up, too. Otherwise, she won’t be checkin for him.
It seems so trivial and superficial for a brother like me to be s deeply disturbed by the overweight crisis of our people. But the politics of food cannot be underestimated. Overweight is almost always an indicator of a deeper, serious suite of problems.
Black people who put their trust in some fast-food clown’s synthetic diet should not be trusted to raise the next generation of African youth.
so what were the first 4?
I’m getting to those
[...] So often when we talk about why black men aren’t marrying, rarely do we look at reasons why they might not want to marry us. We almost always project outward: they’re marrying white women, they have issues with very successful women, they’re in jail, they’re uneducated, etc…Don’t Stop Now [...]